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Mama Life

Dear Motherless Mothers,

5/6/2016

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The day is soon approaching, the one that may cause us grief
For on this day, there is such a belief

That every one of us shares this day with the ones who gave us our start,
It is a day we mask our pain in silence, and quiet our heart

However, some of us find memories that can only be triggered by this day
That even though we've worked so hard to heal them in some way

Mother's day, a day to celebrate the ones who gave us life
For some of us, those same ones are the ones who provided us with pain and strife

For some there was a relationship that was so strong
Now it's gone, and you haven't heard her voice in so long


Some of us lost our mother's to cancer, or disease
and we find ourselves constantly asking, Please

Please don't let me leave my children in the same way,
Please let me be who she wasn't, please let me stay

Others may have faced an uphill battle that began as a small child

Cleaning up her messes, when the drugs made her too wild

What about the childless mother whose child is up above
Waking up to news feeds, filled with so much love

Love for what all these others seem to possess,
Just because it brings me sadness, does that mean any less?

Yes I'm blessed with children who have given me this most precious title
It doesn't make me stop, and think I miss her once in a while

In fact it's just the opposite, watching my children grow
Wishing I had someone to call to tell me what they know

For some this day isn't filled with all this glory
For some it's a reminder of a different story

A different story, that nonetheless defines who we are
A different story, that has helped to shape us into a shining star

You see we shine bright, because we know what it is like to be without
And we honor that with our own, so they never live in doubt

They will know eternally, that we will give them all the love we have to give
Because it is through our sadness we learned how to live

So to all the motherless mother's on this day
I offer you love and support in every way

Know its okay to honor your grief as your children celebrate you today
Know you have an angel watching over you, and every single day

To all my motherless mothers, near or far
Shine like the bright stars that you are

Happy Mother's Day
Love & Light
A Motherless Mother





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Dear Little Ones,

4/16/2016

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When you were in my belly, Daddy and I would talk about the things that we would do with you, wonder the places you will go, and the things you will experience, who you will be, and how you will change the world. I think most parents do this as they patiently, or impatiently (me) wait for your arrival. I know we did. 

However, soon after you were born, I began to wonder, what your world would be like, and what the world you live in will be like as you grow. My world changed drastically as I grew up, and everyone of my generation. We are the last generation to know what life was like before cell phones, tablets, Siri, Ecko, and whatever else there is, the list seems endless these days.

We are the last generation to play outside in the summer until the streetlights came on. Drawing or making bases in the street to play kickball, was the BEST thing to do in the summer! Sure we had video games and played those too, but they weren't connected to others around the world like they are today. We played Super Mario Brothers, and duck Hunt, not Minecraft and Call of Duty.

We know what records are, cassette tapes, cd's and having the coolest stereo was everything growing up. Now you know what pandora, spotify, amazon music, and you tube are before you even hit elementary school, and you recognize the icons too. One could argue that its emergent reading and a good thing, but sometimes I'm not so sure about that. These items I'm speaking of are ancient to you. 

You will grow up in a world where everything is at your fingertips, the internet will be part of your life, and I'm pretty sure you already have an idea what google is. Growing up we had to wait to dial up to the internet, I know, you are asking "what does that even mean?" "You mean you can't just look on your phone?" 

There was no rules in my house growing up that there were no cell phones at dinner, because simply there were no cell phones. I know crazy right? Then when cell phones did become popular, we didn't have these things like Facebook, SnapChat, Instagram and Twitter. I think the closest comparable thing that we had was our nextel, which bleep bleeped to alert you a friend wanted to talk. Not a notification on what someone is eating for dinner, or their latest selfie. The biggest excitement on our phones was Snake, and we text using T-9 word. 

It's a scary world out there, I see people losing their sense of reality. What really matters in life. They are so caught up in capturing the moment with their matching outfits, latest vacation, or delicious meal. 

It seems as if our society has lost touch with the sense of NOW. When in reality, NOW is all we ever have. We aren't promised tomorrow, yesterday is gone, so all YOU will EVER HAVE is NOW.  Society seems to want this instant gratification, which is a motivating factor to why everything they do must be posted. That is fine, but only as long as you remember what its like to be here, and be present. You can be next to someone and still not be present, and that my little one's scares me. 


So, My Hope for you is that you grow up in a world knowing all of these things are privileges. That nothing compares to time spent with family creating memories.
I hope that I can teach you how to be present, and mindful of the life you live, and navigate this world. I hope that you learn what real relationships look like, and can be.
I hope you know that the things you see on the internet are only two dimensional, and that LIFE is three dimensional. 
I hope you understand that things will be hard, yet it is better to vent to a friend or perhaps me, than air it out on social media.
I 
hope that you understand the VALUE of literally having everything at your fingertip, but never take it as a sense of entitlement. 
I hope that you know love, compassion and empathy for others. 
I hope that in this scary world where everyone is living for the next moment, or talking about what happened in the past moment, that you, my dears know how to live in the PRESENT Moment. 
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Leap Day 2016

3/4/2016

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 I often have a blog post ringing my head when it comes to my kids. You know the one about how they grow so fast, and washing their hair (Check it out Here) How its all over in the blink of an eye, and they are grown. I think to myself about how my own father must feel with the fact that I just turned 29 for the 4th time (I am 32), and that he has two granddaughters. Or the fact that my brother's are about to turn 27 (they are twins). how does this all happen????

How does the time fly by so damn fast. One could say with that cliche, that "time flys when your having fun", or "life is what happens when you are busy making plans". 

Truth of the matter is, is that none of us are gonna come out of this life alive. Not one of us! Each and everyone of us will pass on one day, we hope later, and we hope we get to do all the things on our bucket list. Truth be told that may not happen for all of us. I read countless motivational articles on the internet, and I've read one about asking the elderly what they regret most in their lives. NO matter which article you read the message is the same, they regret not spending more time with family and loved ones, or truly enjoying the things in life that matter. 

In my own life I have seen life been stripped from families that leave a giant hole, where people are constantly wishing for one more day, one more hug, one more kiss. The pain that remains in the way we all take this life for granted thinking that we will have one more day. BUT we are humans, and we are reinforced by the fact that each day we do wake up and start over, which is why we live this way.  WE can however try to be more mindful, and present and live in the NOW. Which is something I definitely try to do. 

Anyway my point is that when it comes to my family and my life I TRY my hardest to live a life full with love and memories, and creating traditions and things to enjoy. When my spirited 3.5 year old is driving me nuts, I remind myself this is a phase. Or when she wakes up at 2am wanting to come into my bedroom, I remind myself that for whatever the reason is she needs me at this moment in time (and she won't be doing this when she is in college, well at least I hope). I'm constantly looking at my almost 5 month old baby trying to take in her ever changing facial features, and what she's learning each day, as I know that in a few years from now she will probably look entirely different from what she does now. I try to be present in their lives, as much as they are present in mine. To our children we are all they have, we are their life. Sure they may go to school, or have a few friendships and such, but they don't really start building real relationships until they are in grade school, perhaps even middle school. Even then though, we are still the main focus in their lives. Sure we have other things in our lives, work, jobs, relationships, bills and so on, but our kids have just us!! So I try to remember how important it is to be present in their lives, because we are the supporting actor/actress and they are the stars in their story. We hope that they grow up to become good and well adjusted adults in this world, navigating society with ease and grace, but it starts with us. How do we do this you ask, it's simple we give them the best gift of all that we can give. Something so special, no one else can give them. WE give them our love, our attention, but most importantly our TIME. 

So when life gave me an extra day on 2/29  and I woke up at 6am to my alarm clock and looked over and both my babies were cuddled so peacefully in my bed, I decided my workout could wait until later, my coffee could wait, and everything else I had to do that day could WAIT! I was being presented with a gift of an extra day in the year,  a day to cuddle my girls and snuggle them. I was given the gift of more TIME, so I took advantage. They may not remember it 10, 15 or 20 years from now, hell they probably won't even remember it by the end of the week. However, I surely will because years from now, days like this will most likely be nonexistent, and when I want to cuddle and snuggle with them, they either won't want to, or won't even be here. 
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